All About Spike - Plain Version
This plain version is for users with very old browers, WebTV, tiny screen resolutions, or very slow internet connections.
All other viewers should use the regular version of the site.
Chapter: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Love is Blind
S/B, NC-17 (eventually), Prologue/24
SPOILERS: Season 5, up to "Listening to Fear". It would also help to
have seen the Angel episode "The Trial", as I stol...er...borrowed elements
from this. OK, I borrowed the entire last act. When you care enough
to steal from the very best...
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: To my beta reader, Linda Campbell, who knew that Spike
was a hottie, long before I did. What can I say? Better late than never!
:) Oh yeah...and for the awesome beta reading.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Not mine. 'Nuff said.
"For love is blind and lovers cannot see"
-- William Shakespeare
Well, this is pretty strange. Plus, I'm not certain this thing is working.
It sounds like it is but I can't really be sure. I hope so. It would be
too ironic if my last words wound up as just a bunch of static on the tape.
Oops. Gave the ending away there, didn't I. Sorry. Still, it's not like
you didn't see this coming, right? We both know this is bad. Actually I
think I've reached a whole new level on the Buffy bad spectrum.
And it's not going to get any better, is it?
Poor Giles. You've been trying so hard to sound upbeat and positive
around me. But...well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're
a really bad liar.
Or maybe it's just that you can't lie to me.
Not that I don't appreciate you trying, really. It gave me a nice couple
of days, where I could pretend everything was going to be all right, that
my eyes would somehow get better, and we'd all live happily ever after.
OK, back to what I was saying. Since I can't tell when the tape is about
to run out, I'd better get to the important stuff sooner rather than later.
First of all -- this wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself
(and don't tell me you're not -- I can hear it in your voice). You gave
me plenty of warning -- I distinctly remember the words "...and be careful
Buffy. Don't forget it can spit acid...." And how revolting is that anyway?
(the acid, not your warning).
I did listen to you, honest. But I was...well, not overconfident, exactly.
More -- distracted, I guess. Too much going around in circles in my mind.
I should have known better, especially after that vampire skewered me with
my own stake. Guess my heart wasn't really in it that night. Too worried
about my mom, wondering what I was going to do about Dawn, thinking about
Glory... And besides, it was just a little demon -- relatively speaking.
But then its really, really big cousin showed up and... well, you know
what happened next.
I know I killed the small one while I could still see a bit, but the
other got away. Actually, I'm kind of surprised it didn't stop and kill
me on the way, but maybe the wound I gave it was more serious than I thought.
Still, that means there's an injured monster roaming around out there...and
no Slayer to stop it.
You've all done a great job of patrolling and keeping things under control,
really you have. I know I shouldn't blame myself for what happened to Willow.
Yes, I know she'll be all right, and that we're all lucky that it was just
a broken arm and all, but still...
It was my job. I'm the Slayer. I'm the one who's supposed to
be out there keeping the night safe, not sitting here, all sheltered and
warm. And I keep asking myself -- what's going to happen when Glory crawls
back out from whatever rock she's hiding under? She wiped the floor with
me before - you guys won't stand a chance.
So -- where does that leave us? The doctors weren't exactly holding
back with the naked truth. I'm never going to see again, not even with
Slayer super healing powers. Just too much damage. I know there's no magical
cure either -- we already had this conversation when my Mom got sick. And
I'm not sure I believe in miracles -- at least the good kind -- anymore.
So what's left? I know - I'm being way rhetorical. And probably pretty
pretentious. Must be all those Psych classes at College. But I'm just trying
to prove that I really have thought all this out, that I'm not just doing
this on some suicidal whim.
Sorry. Poor choice of words there. I don't have a death wish, really
I don't, no matter what Spike said (and why am I even thinking about him
right anyway? Sometimes I worry about my psyche...) Anyhow, I really have
thought this through and we both know there's only one answer.
The world needs a Slayer. And...and I can't be her anymore.
So I'm going out tonight to hunt down the demon that helped do this
Don't get me wrong. I know I don't have a hope in hell. I'm not blind.
Well, OK, I am. But you know what I mean. I know what the odds are and
how this is all going to end. It's pretty much a given. But maybe, just
maybe, I can take the demon with me. Give Willow a little goodbye vengeance
present. And keep the night a little bit safer until... ...
...until the next Slayer comes along.
Poor little Slayer. Doesn't seem fair to load all this on her somehow.
I know how tough it was when I was just starting out, and I had Merrick
and then you and all my friends to help me.
I hope she has someone.
I don't know if you'll be her Watcher. There's a lot of stuff I never
asked, although I always wondered. Just seemed like it would be too painful
to talk about somehow. And the time was never right. Well, it's definitely
too late for twenty questions now. But -- if you do get to meet her, the
new Slayer I mean, will you ask her to watch out for Dawn for me? I still
don't know what or who she is, but I know she's important. Besides, she
feels like my little sister. I love her, even if she is annoying
pretty much all of the time.
So, where was I? Oh yeah, Buffy's famous last words.
Er...drawing a blank. How about if you just think of something clever
and pretend I said it?
Anyway, you do understand why I'm doing it this way, rather than in
person, right? For starters, I know you guys wouldn't let me out of your
sight if you knew what I was planning to do. Which is why I had to wait
over a week until you all let your guard down a bit.
Still, I got a week. More time than most Slayers do, probably. And I
got to say goodbye to everyone, in my own way. I don't think anyone suspected
what I was planning, although I could be wrong. It wouldn't surprise me
if you knew, or at least guessed. You could always see right through me,
couldn't you? No pun intended.
Today was nice. A day in the sun with my Watcher and all my friends.
Will you tell Riley that I'm sorry for snapping at him? I didn't mean to,
it's just he seems to like me so much better helpless, like he wants to
protect me and look after me and... ...
...and I am so not going to discuss my boyfriend with you. Besides,
I can tell him everything on his own tape. Just forget everything I just
Except...you will look after him, won't you? And Willow and Xander and
all the rest? And my mom and Dawn? They're going to need someone.
OK. I'll put the other tapes in the top drawer of my nightstand. They'll
be labelled, although it's kind of hard to write when you can't see. Not
that my handwriting was ever that great to start with. Still, I'm sure
you'll figure out which is which. You'll make sure my Mom and the others
get them, won't you? Thanks.
I...I guess there's nothing more to say.
Thank you for being my Watcher. I love you.
Continued in Part 1
Read Reviews / Post a Review
Send feedback to Avalon | Visit Avalon's site | All stories by Avalon
Print Version | Formatted Version
Main Site | Plain Text Title Listing | Site Map | Contact