All About Spike - Plain Version
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Buffy stirred her cornflakes slowly, and tried to get conscious thoughts sloshing through her brain.
“Work? Last night?” Willow asked hopefully.
Yeah, work, another place which now had Spike connotations, which she hoped was not another word for residue or something. Now she’d have to dump garbage in the alley and try not to look the fire escape in the eye.
“It was okay.” “It was more than okay. He kissed me in such a way my knees are still quivering now, and I’d really like to know what it would be like in a bed, hell, even on a floor that didn’t have construction debris all over it…Oh, crap. Carpeting. Carpeting would be good. Crap again. Bad thoughts”.
“Well,” she sighed. “I worked. It was boring, and then it was over, and for this I will get paid the sort of wages they do exposes about on Sixty Minutes.”
She looked expectantly at Will, but noticed how deflated her friend suddenly looked.
“Maybe somebody else came back wrong besides me”, she thought. “From where? The living room? At least I have an excuse. God, what if there was a camera in the back room? What would it be like if we just took our time? Crap.” She sighed, and then abruptly realized that her sigh was being misinterpreted by her best friend.
“ ‘s okay, Will, I just have to get used to…” “Getting kissed like that. Maybe if I got some more practice at it….Crap.” ”Well”, she thought, “at least now I know why Spike says bloody hell all the time. I feel exactly like that right about now. “Willow looked very subdued.
“Do you have to work again tonight?” “No. Have to patrol.” “In Spike’s crypt. No. Absolutely not. Bad. Very bad Buffy. It was only twice, there’s still time to call it a bad habit…”
Although, technically speaking, it hadn’t been just twice. Not if you counted everything….How did one quantify sexual acts? Did it just count if, at the conclusion, someone, not that names needed to be named, scratched a certain party’s back and wasn’t even aware of it till much, much later?
Not even then, it had to be at least six times, which was beyond the bad habit category, and how could it be a bad habit, a mere activity, when…She suddenly saw Spike’s face so vividly it was almost like he was in front of her.
“It wasn’t just the orgasm Olympics or something”, she thought suddenly. “Not for him. Crap. “ “You need to rest,” Willow said. “You just look so tired.”
“Yeah. Maybe I am.” Buffy said quietly. “I slept clean through the alarm.” “That’s okay.” Willow said cheerfully. “That’s what I’m here for.” “To make sure I sleep through the alarm?” “Yes, that’s my mission in life.” Willow eyed her with a trace of her old sarcasm. “No, getting Dawn off to school, making the breakfast….I mean, if you’re going to keep working the night shift, that works well with the Slayage, and then I have school during the day, so there’ll always be someone around for Dawn.”
”Yes, Dawn”. Buffy thought. “God, what would she think if she knew?” Then a new and more insistent thought reared its head. “What would Xander think?” Xander. Buffy looked up at Will, but the other girl had taken her plate to the sink, and was running hot water---a lot of hot water, which was expensive…to wash their breakfast dishes. Will would try to understand. And try to talk her out of it. And Xander would be furious, but who with was the question.
Why did they have to know? Like any fever it would run its course….Buffy stopped that thought suddenly, knowing that it was unfair.
“Will? I’m going to go take a shower, okay?”
She brought her still half-full bowl of cornflakes to the sink, and Will gave her a cheery smile. “Okay.”
Was it her imagination, or was Will doing lots more housework since Dawn’s broken arm? Admittedly, some of it was just because Dawn simply couldn’t do things. But some of it was undoubtedly guilt. Or at least she hoped it was guilt.
The worst thing, Buffy thought uncomfortably, was that Will didn’t seem too guilty. The subject had not been brought up, and Buffy had tried, and then, deciding that perhaps Will was too unnerved by it, had simply waited. But within days, Will had gone back to being perky, and Buffy had started to get nervous.
”Why is it that Will doesn’t feel bad about causing the accident that got Dawn’s arm broken, and I feel bad about making love with someone who makes me scream?”Buffy froze, half way up the steps. Not making love. Just sex. With Riley, that had been making love….but this was just sex. Not to Spike.
She flopped down on her bed, and sat there, and now her thoughts were as traitorous as her body. She was worried about what her friends thought if they found out she was having sex with Spike. What would they say if she said it was more? She knew he wouldn’t hesitate to come clean, if only she gave the okay. Actually, he already had. The gang all knew how he felt about her, except, oh, yes, he hadn’t had that opportunity. She was the one who’d told everybody, making it sound as if it were some sort of sick adolescent crush.
But it was!
Was. Not anymore. Certainly he had changed.
”People don’t change, her right brain countered. Do vampires? It’s impossible. So is bringing the dead back to life. Crap .”
Was it her?
With Riley, after they made love, she’d be happy for a while, a couple of days. If they made love, fine, if not, fine. She had to admit that. And he had been so stoic about it. An occasional groan, some grimacing, but he was always in charge. Always in control. Always so logical, even in bed, the last place in the world she wanted…logic. Bad. Very bad.
Even before the next thought had sprung from her subconscious, she could feel her face flushing. With Spike, she could still be breathing as fast and as hard as if she’d run an obstacle course, and he could have only just pulled out of her, and she would want him again. Only exhaustion had stopped them, and she didn’t even know vampires could be exhausted.
Spike certainly wasn’t stoic, either. She had loved watching him in extremis, watching the sensations course over his face, even his body, like reflections skating over the surface of a lake at twilight. He held nothing back, not from her, and she knew if she asked for more, he wouldn’t hesitate. Was it his feelings for her that made the difference? Was it just him?
Because I’m just the same with him.
Because I have no control with him.
Because if I act like he does, does that mean I feel the same way?
”Hm. Crap. Grrrrr. Argh”.
Buffy yawned explosively and wondered when precisely her bedroom ceiling had developed that water stain. Someone was tapping on her door, and she didn’t think it was a raven. Dawn poked her head in.
“Is there a minimum daily requirement of harassment you have to dish out?”
“Yeah, well, somone’s got to.” Dawn came over and flopped on the bed. “Will said your work went okay.”
“Yeah.” Buffy said cautiously. Hm, normal conversation with a teenager? Could this be happening? “It wasn’t bad.”
“I could get a job, too.” Dawn said softly, and Buffy’s heart twisted.
Before she could do more than that, Dawn rushed ahead.
“I could deliver papers, you know.”
“In Sunnydale? With a broken arm?”
“After the broken arm is fixed.” Dawn said loftily. Buffy bit back any number of replies. “Besides, I could get Spike to help me.”
Spike. Helping Dawn. Saving her life, she could believe. But….Buffy was literally rendered speechless by the mental image Dawn so casually provoked. Spike. With an excuse to be in the house before the sun rose every morning. Bad. Very bad.
“Why do you want to get a job, Dawn? You’re only fifteen.”
“Cause.” Dawn said softly, bowing her head. “Cause you’re working, and you’re so tired all the time, and---and----I want to help. Cause we might lose the house.”
“Who said that?”
“I heard someone talking.”
“Now you’re mad.”
“Sweetie, I’m not mad at you. But I really don’t think it’s that bad, and I’d know. And nobody should be saying stuff like that about you.”
“But you were so tired you slept all day. You shouldn’t have to work like that, at that place, you should have some fun….You sang….”
“Oh, Dawnie….” Buffy sat up. “I’m a grownup. That’s part of the job. My job is to make sure that you ---you don’t have to get a job.”
“What if I just want to make some money for stuff?”
“Like how much money do you need? And what for? Hard drugs?”
Dawn giggled, a sure sign she was trying. Buffy was startled; she was almost sure Dawn would have exploded in a fit of fifteen-year-old hormones. “No, soft drugs only.” She said pertly.
“Give me some time, Dawnie, okay? This is the Hellmouth. Do we even have paperboys?”
“I’ve seen the want ads for them.”
“Were the ads placed by the Sunnydale Register, or by the Vampire Times?”
“Funn—eeee. Not.” Dawn flopped back on the bed. “Are you going to patrol tonight?”
“Yeah. “Buffy got up and stretched.
“Could you ask Spike what he thinks?”
“Oh. Uh.” Buffy wondered just how flushed her face got. “Sure. If I see him.” “Crap. Now I have a reason to see him, instead of an excuse. Crap”.
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