By Shaddyr and Mint Witch
RATING: PG - 13
DISTRIBUTION: Ask us, and we’ll probably say yes.
DISCLAIMER: Total speculation
NOTE: This is an exercise in Style & Genre for us, so
bear with us.
FEEDBACK: If I didn’t want it, would we even be here?
firstname.lastname@example.org & email@example.com
Slayer1234: I know this is you, Spike! Dawn is so
grounded. You better not be stalking my sister.
JustOkay: Slayer! You ought to now by now I would
never do anything like that!
Slayer1234: Yeah right, because you've never hung
around my house, tried to kill my friends, and chained
me up. Pull the other one, Spikey.
JustOkay: I understand. You have every reason to be
angry with me, Buffy. But I would never hurt Dawn. I
would never hurt you like that... never again.
*hanging head* I know you have no reason to trust me
and I accept that, but... Not Dawn.
Slayer1234: Wha'huh? I thought this was Spike?
JustOkay: Yes, Buffy. It's me. But things have changed
a little bit since the last time I saw you...
Slayer1234: What, you're a redhead now?
JustOkay: *laugh* That funny. No, still in all my
blond glory... though I must admit the roots are
growing. Good look on me if I do say so myself
Slayer1234: Hey, where are you, anyway? And how would
you know, oh vampire w/o a reflection? Janice!? I'm
gonna tell your mom!
JustOkay: Soddin' Hell! It's *me* Slayer. Or perhaps I
should remind you of a certain incident in a certain
house that certainly fell down.. or not. I'm sorry
JustOkay: yeah, oh. I really am, Buffy, More than I
have words to convey. Sorry beyond the telling of it.
Slayer1234: Okay. Which thing would you be sorry for?
The near rape experience? The taking off during an
apocalypse? The roots? Screwing Anya?
Slayer1234: Should I go on?
JustOkay: You probably could. for hours. And I would
deserve everything you would throw in my face.
Slayer1234: Who *are* you and what have you done with
But yes. I want to apologize - but I don't know how.
I'm sorry. *wry laugh* Like that makes a soddin' bit
JustOkay: *grin* Spike had a bit of a run in with a
rather interesting demon just recently.. and he's a
truly changed man
Slayer1234: This conversation is over, because why?
You're not a man Spike.
JustOkay: I know
JustOkay: But I want to come home.
Slayer1234: You mean, back to Sunnydale?
Slayer1234: What for?
Slayer1234: Haven't you done enough?
JustOkay: No , not nearly enough. I have so much pain
and heartache that I need to atone for. Please, let me
at least try?
Slayer1234: Is that even a word?
JustOkay: Atone. Make up for. Pay restitution
Slayer1234: Oh. I knew that.
Slayer1234: How much restitution?
Slayer1234: Cuz hey, broke here.
JustOkay: Buffy, I have a stake in my pocket - and you
are welcome to use it on me if you so choose.
Slayer1234: And I thought you were just happy to see
JustOkay: I would be... and sad. Sad and remorseful
for what I did.
JustOkay: And I know you wouldn't take anything from
me before - but I *do* have a little something that
was sitting and accusing interest in Merry Ol' England
that I'd like to share with you and the bit
Slayer1234: Tell you what, Spikey. You be there, and
be all sad, and I'll be here and try to put my life
Slayer1234: And NO, I'm not taking your money. Hello,
Slayer1234: I was kidding.
JustOkay: Buffy - if you tell me to never show my face
again in Sunnydale, I will respect your wishes. But I
want to come home.
JustOkay: I wasn't kidding.
Slayer1234: I don't know who this you is. Don't come
back here, Spike. I can't do this, not when I'm
finally getting it together.
JustOkay: Alright Buffy. I won't then. But let me just
say one more time I am so very, very sorry for what I
did. So Sorry. Oh, god, so sorry, pet.
JustOkay: has logged off
Slayer1234: You've proven I can't trust you. I learned
my lesson about 'sorry' about a million times over.
Slayer1234: Don't log off on me Spike!
Slayer1234: Ha! Gotcha!
JustOkay: Slayer. Um.. hi.
Slayer1234: Like, yeah! How could you hang up on me?
JustOkay: What? Hang up? I didn't think you had
anything else you wanted to say to me
JustOkay: Sorry - I'm a bit.. um.. well, bloody hell!
Slayer1234: When has that ever stopped you b4?
JustOkay: Buffy. I don't know how to make you believe
me, but I have changed.
JustOkay: I'm willing to respect your wishes
JustOkay: Isn't that what you want?
Slayer1234: Demons don't change, Spike. Didn't you
teach me that?
JustOkay: No, as a general rule that is certainly
JustOkay: Sometimes though circumstances do.
Slayer1234: Then explain it to me. Cuz I really want
JustOkay: Do you really? You say that, but your mind
is about as open as Peaches’ wallet. And trust me,
after all the years I spent with the tight-fisted
bastard, I ought to know how tightly closed that is.
JustOkay: Damn it
Slayer1234: Not funny.
JustOkay: I wasn’t going to do this!
Slayer1234: Just spill, Spike.
Slayer1234: *you know you want to. Tell me, Spike,
what's so important that you it makes you all...
Slayer1234: pathetic. Cuz my Spike? He's not pathetic.
JustOkay: I decided that it was time that things
changed, Buffy. So I went somewhere and made a change.
Slayer1234: Again with the hair color?
JustOkay: I was pathetic before. I just know it now.
JustOkay: What the hell do you want from me? Go away
Spike! You're pathetic Spike! But you won't leave me
JustOkay: I did it for you! And you'll never forgive
me anyway, so why the hell did I even bother?
JustOkay: Oh damn.
Slayer1234: What do I want? What do I want?!
JustOkay: Obviously this hasn't fixed my ability to
keep my soddin' mouth shut.
Slayer1234: I want Spike! I want sex on wheels,
listens to me whine, bad ass vamp that takes no shit
Slayer1234: Fuck you Spike!
Slayer1234: Just, Fuck You!
JustOkay: You want what?
Slayer1234: You were my friend, my lover, my…
JustOkay: Buffy you don't, you really don't--
Slayer1234: Fuck! My friend! And I messed it all up
and then you were GONE!
JustOkay: Your friend? You thought I was your friend?
Slayer1234: What was I supposed to do?
JustOkay: Oh, Buffy, I'm so sorry, I never meant to...
it wasn't supposed to.. I wasn't leaving you! I had
to... I had to make things right!
Slayer1234: Shit. Yes. Ok.
Slayer1234: I can't do this. I wasn't gonna do this.
JustOkay: I miss you, Buffy. I miss you so much. I
fall asleep and I see you, I turn around cuz I keep
hearing your voice in the crowd, I smell cinnamon and
roses and I look for you...
JustOkay: The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you
Slayer1234: You never hurt me. Don't you get it?
JustOkay: I need a fag.
JustOkay: What? I fucking well tried to rape you! Hurt
you? I nearly DESTROYED you!
Slayer1234: In that building, you asked if I was
afraid you could...
JustOkay: Buffy, you were the only thing good and pure
and wonderful and not evil in my whole unlife...
JustOkay: I'd swim in holy water, eat communion
wafers, and walk into the sunlight before I'd ever
hurt you again.
Slayer1234: You're not hearing me. You could, but you
JustOkay: Afraid of what, luv?
Slayer1234: You never hurt me. Really.
JustOkay: Okay, confused here. (oh, god, I'm talking
like a soddin Scooby - stake me now!)
Slayer1234: Don't make me say this... oh, god.
JustOkay: You don't have to say anything, Buffy.
Slayer1234: Even then, in the bathroom…
Slayer1234: That was wrong, make no mistake, that was
JustOkay: I know. oh god, how I know.
Slayer1234: But you didn't hurt me.
Slayer1234: I was already hurt.
JustOkay: You were in bloody agony!
Slayer1234: And I could have stopped you... um...
Slayer1234: You messed with me.
JustOkay: That's not the bleedin' POINT! You said I
didn't listen - you're right! It's my biggest bloody
shortcoming! You told me to get out and I came in. You
said to stop and I didn't.
Slayer1234: I came back different, and everything was
Slayer1234: I said stop a lot.
JustOkay: And I should have listened.
Slayer1234: I'm sorry.
Slayer1234: No, you're not listening dammit!
Slayer1234: I told you stop and yes and don't stop and
I'm not stupid!
Slayer1234: Never mind, I thought we could maybe talk
about this but it's weird and hard.
JustOkay: No, you're not stupid. You're a very smart
girl. You know what you want. And what you don't want.
Would you mind.. um... explaining it to me, cuz, I'm
feelin' more than a little dense at the moment and I
can't bear to think I have misunderstood what I think
you're trying to tell me...
JustOkay: Yes, talk, I so want to talk to you Buffy,
for hours and days and years.
JustOkay: And I sound like a poofter, but it's true.
Slayer1234: Okay. Maybe. But.
Slayer1234: This is hard, so I'm just gonna say it,
okay? I did feel it when you were... in me.
Slayer1234: Oh god.
Slayer1234: I was so...
JustOkay: You have nothing to be ashamed of, Buffy.
Please, don't be ashamed. And I promise - I know it's
just a pixilated promise - but I promise not to hurt
you with it.
Slayer1234: Wrong. I came back wrong. No, don't, I
liked it, I needed to be wrong.
Slayer1234: I'm not her.
JustOkay: Why? Was it because of all those horrible
things I sad?
JustOkay: Not her? Not who? You're YOU Buffy, the same
Buffy you've always been.
Slayer1234: No, I'm not. I've never really been her.
JustOkay: Okay, I'm listening. Tell me.
Slayer1234: She's somebody different, I just...
Slayer1234: I didn't want to be Faith, all fucked up
and crazy but I am but I'm not but I am not Xander's
Buffy or Willow's Buffy or even yours...
Slayer1234: I don't know who I am.
Slayer1234: Why am I telling you this?!
Slayer1234 has logged off.
JustOkay: Buffy? you there?
JustOkay: Are you lurking, Slayer?
JustOkay: Bloody hell.
JustOkay has logged off
JustOkay: Buffy? You there tonight, love?
Slayer1234: ese weird pol
JustOkay: 'scuse me?
Slayer1234: Hi Spike. Wrong window. You popped up on me.
JustOkay: oh. Sorry 'bought that.
JustOkay: uhm, just wondering how you are, love.
JustOkay: Missed you last night
Slayer1234: Found me.
JustOkay: Yes, I did.
JustOkay: sorry, love, sometimes I get distracted by this technology stuff..
Slayer1234: Is that it? Cuz Trading Spaces is on, and I'm chatting w/ Willow.
Just:Okay: uhm. Well, I don't want to keep you from anything important, I just
thought maybe... we could talk more?
Slayer1234: Not PURPLE!!!
Slayer1234: Make it stop!
Slayer1234: Where are you? Do you have cable?
Slayer1234: Christopher must die.
Slayer1234: Could you take care of that?
JustOkay: Scuse me? Who the hell is Christopher? What did he do? I'll rip the
soddin git limb from limb if he hurt you!
JustOkay: what happened Buffy?
JustOkay: Tell me!!
JustOkay: that's it; I'm on the next plane home
JustOkay: Buffy! Talk to me!!
Slayer1234: Sorry, bad shelf placement.
Slayer1234: Christ Spike, overreact much?
Slayer1234: English ppl are weird.
JustOkay: Buffy, I don't what the hell you're talking about!
JustOkay: Who. Is. Christopher?
Slayer1234: BBC America?
Slayer1234: Changing Spaces?
JustOkay: And that is?
Slayer1234: Only the best show in the entire world!
JustOkay: He's a bloke on a TV show?
Slayer1234: Not the Drapes!
JustOkay: What the hell channel are you watching anyway?
Slayer1234: This is evil.
Slayer1234: Oh god, stop! Make it stop!
Slayer1234: Teal is so day before yesterday.
JustOkay: Teal. Rocks. Slayer, you're not makin' a lick of sense. You been into
the hard stuff?
Slayer1234: Oh! No, Willow has been sending me tapes.
JustOkay: Oh, yeah. So, how is Red doin'?
JustOkay: Her and her little chickie ever get back together?
Slayer1234: Do you realize that some people consider plywood a lifestyle
accessory? That's just wrong.
JustOkay: I like that Glinda. She's a nice girl.
Slayer1234: Tara was killed Spike.
JustOkay: Plywood? What's wrong with plywood?
Slayer1234: Didn't Dawn tell you?
Slayer1234: Oh! I'm so sorry!
JustOkay: oh, God, Buffy! I'm sorry to hear that. Vamp get her?
Slayer1234: She was shot, by the same person who shot me.
JustOkay: That's awful.
Slayer1234: She was killed instantly.
Slayer1234: They said.
JustOkay: Shot YOU? SOMEONE SHOT YOU?
JustOkay: What the FUCK has been going ON since I left?
Slayer1234: I thought you'd been chatting with Dawn?
Slayer1234: Did she tell you anything?
JustOkay: Dawn just talked about school and said you were doing better and we
just chatted... never had chance to say much of nothing before you caught us.
JustOkay: I think she glossed a few things over
JustOkay: she was more interested in finding out if what XANDER told her was
true. So we mostly talked about that.
Slayer1234: Well. Tara's dead, Willow tried to destroy the world, I got shot,
and Dawn sat with Tara's body and Giles took Willow away for some sort of magic
Slayer1234: What about Xander?
JustOkay: Jesus H. Christ on bloody stake! Hellmouth's really gone to hell!
JustOkay: yes, She confronted me. I told her it was true.
JustOkay: Xander told her... what I did
JustOkay: that damn bathroom
JustOkay: what I did
Slayer1234: But I was there.
Slayer1234: That kinda explains some stuff.
JustOkay: yeah? like what?
Slayer1234: Slammy Dawn.
Slayer1234: I dunno. Wasn't that big of a deal. Not like he hasn't done it.
JustOkay: What. Did. You. Just. Say?
Slayer1234: Stripes do not go with polka dots. They just don't.
JustOkay: Fuck! Slayer! WHAT did you mean it's not like he hasn't done it?
Slayer1234: Sorry! Hyena demons, weird Xander, attempted rape.
Slayer1234: Pretty much a Buffy theme song.
Slayer1234: Then there was the love spell and raincoat episode.
JustOkay: In the past then? Okay. Just as glad I don't have to come back and
rip the whelp's lungs out through his nostrils. I'd do it, but I'd have a hell
of a headache.
Slayer1234: Shelves are not decorative!!!
JustOkay: Buffy. Can you watch the tape later? Please?
Slayer1234: Oh, no. Not recent.
JustOkay: You're driving me to distraction love
Slayer1234: Okay, what?
Slayer1234: We're paused, you have 3 minutes.
JustOkay: We were talking last night. I was really hoping that we could keep on
JustOkay: we haven't talked like that for a long time. I miss it. I miss you
coming to me and telling me what's on your heart.
Slayer1234: Nope, don't remember that.
Slayer1234: Went out last night.
JustOkay: Sorry, night before last.
Slayer1234: Bronze, 70's night.
Slayer1234: Go-go boots.
Slayer1234: Oh, okay.
JustOkay: I was hanging around like a whipped poof pinging you to see if you
Slayer1234: Oh! Yeah,
JustOkay: I've been doing a lot of thinking. There's something I want to tell
you, but I'm afraid of how you're going to react. But I think I really need to
JustOkay: Please don't just run away. Please give me a chance, okay?
Slayer1234: <spikesin the other window waht should I say?
JustOkay: Okay, I told you I had to make things right. I'd heard about this
demon in Africa, did big mojo. I went to him. There were some trials... let's
not even get into a discussion about beetles in the near future... but, the
long and the short of it was that I got something - for you. It was for your
JustOkay: *chuckle* it's okay, Slayer, Of course you're gonna talk to Red
Slayer1234: Um. Ok?
JustOkay: okay. So. uhmm. Oh, Bloody hell, this is... difficult.
JustOkay: Don't laugh at me?
Slayer1234: No promises, here.
Slayer1234: I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours though.
JustOkay: okay, so the long and the short of it... is... I have a sould Buffy.
He restored my soul.
Slayer1234: er. Sould?
JustOkay: I've already seen yours love. You have beautiful soul
Slayer1234: Is that like welding?
JustOkay: goddammit! Typo Buffy! SOUL!
JustOkay: Well I guess that's better than having you laugh in my face
Slayer1234: Um. brb?
JustOkay: *sigh* Sure. Have a good chat with Red.
JustOkay: Sorry. I guess it's a bit of a shock.
Slayer1234: Ok. Um. So how's that working for you?
JustOkay: Well, trying to sleep gives brand new definitions to hell. Trying to
do most things actually. There's a lot of things that stir up memories. Mostly
bad one. But... I'd do it again. In an instant.
Slayer1234: You wouldn't be hanging out in cafes and playing guitar, would you?
Slayer1234: Any urges to sing Free Bird?
JustOkay: Are you being' a smart ass Buffy?
Slayer1234: Say no.
JustOkay: Cuz I think... I think I'm feeling offended.
Slayer1234: Sorry. The daiquiris could be affecting my judgment.
JustOkay: Oh, well, I suppose that I can make allowances for that.
Slayer1234: *I like this, Spike*
JustOkay: You do?
Slayer1234: *I miss this*
Slayer1234: But it's... easier, when I can't see you.
Slayer1234: I miss you.
Slayer1234: You're coming home, right?
JustOkay: I told you before, Buffy. I'll do whatever you want. I want to come
home, but if you don't want me there, I'll stay away.
Slayer1234: I don't know how to do this.
JustOkay: I can come home?
Slayer1234: No one's ever come back to me before.
JustOkay: Buffy, there is no *this* to do. I don't have any expectations of you
Slayer1234: You always go, go away, replace me with a newer mode.
JustOkay: Just... be Buffy.
JustOkay: Did something like that once... stupidest thing I ever did.
Slayer1234: Angel and Faith, Giles and Willow,
Slayer1234: My dad and what's her face
Slayer1234: Even destiny replaced me.
JustOkay: Buffy, that cannot be done. There may be other slayers, but NO one
will ever replace *you*
Slayer1234: Who am I, if I'm not the Chosen One.
Slayer1234: Just a broken girl.
JustOkay: You are a wonderful, irritating, delightful, infuriating, beautiful,
sexy, intelligent woman and I love with everything that I am
Slayer1234: Too much rum, Spikey. I miss you. Come home, to me?
JustOkay: I'm on my way
JustOkay: has logged out
Slayer1234: You hung up?
Slayer1234: I scared you away, didn't I?
JustOkay: Just glad you logged back on!
JustOkay: Shit, no!
Slayer1234: Oh, God!
JustOkay: The airlines, love! Fucking Airlines! I'm never flying NWA again!
JustOkay: I'm stuck in sodding Heathrow
Slayer1234: You're in England?!!?!?!?
JustOkay: Bloody airline overbooked, promised a seat on the next one.
JustOkay: only stopping over love
JustOkay: flight out in 2 hours
Slayer1234: I need to see you.
JustOkay: I'll be in New York in 15 hours, and then it's about 8 more to LA.
Slayer1234: Oh god, I'm so pathetic, but I need to see you.
JustOkay: I'll beg, borrow or steal a car and be in Sunnyhell a couple hours
JustOkay: I need you Slayer, just as much. More. Now. Always.
Slayer1234: Oh god.
JustOkay: I wish I could crawl through this line and be with you.
JustOkay: just to touch you again,
Slayer1234: Just... let me, okay?
JustOkay: Whatever you need Buffy, anything you want
Slayer1234: I want it to be all Casablanca and stuff... but...
JustOkay: I get to be Bogie? I like that
Slayer1234: Okay, wrong movie.
JustOkay: Yeah, bad ending.
Slayer1234: Be the French guy for me, okay?
JustOkay: All right. I meant what I said, Buffy. Anything you need.
Including just friends
Slayer1234: I... want you to be the French guy.
Slayer1234: *just love me*
Slayer1234: I'm sorry.
JustOkay: I do. I DO. I will. Don't be sorry, I'll give you anything you
JustOkay: yes, love?
Slayer1234: I like you.
JustOkay: Glad to head that Buffy.
Slayer1234: Heh. You said "head".
JustOkay: Fingers aren't sooperating. I need to get some sleep on the plane
Slayer1234: *I'll give you -head-.*
JustOkay: *cough* Buffy?
JustOkay: What the *hell*?
JustOkay: Feeling a little gobsmacked here, love. Help me out?
Slayer1234: Psych 101, Spike. I'm nothing, if not self-actualized.
JustOkay: which translates as... you want to talk dirty to me?
Slayer1234: You want it?
Slayer1234: Better hurry baby.
Slayer1234: I could change my mind at *any* moment.
JustOkay: hell yeah - but, Buffy... I want you friendship. I don't wanna
lose you over an admittedly wonderful roll. Will that happen? Will you run
JustOkay: I couldn't do that
Slayer1234: Spike - Risk it: love, give, forgive.
JustOkay: I'd rather take a cold shower every night for the next 20 years
then lose you over one night
Slayer1234: If I can, you can, toucan.
JustOkay: Are you sure? Are you really *really* sure?
Slayer1234: No. I'm not.
Slayer1234: But that's okay.
JustOkay: Yeah. It is. If you're willing to let it be okay.
Slayer1234: Maybe I'll have to kill you, Spike.
Slayer1234: If the chip...
Slayer1234: But I don't care, not now.
Slayer1234: Do you mind that I'll always carry a stake to our bed?
JustOkay: I won't ever kill another human Buffy, not if I can help it.
Slayer1234: Then come to me, my lover. Come home to me.
JustOkay: 'Sides, I plan to distract you enough that the only stake you're
going to be thinking of is *mine*
Slayer1234: Oh god! Hurry!
JustOkay: They moved up my flight!
JustOkay: Gotta go love!
Slayer1234: Hurry, my love, I'm waiting.
JustOkay: I love you. I'll be there soon
JustOkay has logged off
Slayer1234: Where are you?
JustOkay: Waiting for my flight out of Minneapolis.
JustOkay: 3 more hours
Slayer1234: I'm so tired.
JustOkay: Why don't you try to get a couple of hours sleep, Buffy?
Slayer1234: But you'll be here soon
JustOkay: Three more hours before my flight, then almost three to get
there... You could have a real nice nap. And some pleasant dreams *leer*
JustOkay: So you're gonna take a nap then? Don't want you fallin' asleep on
me as I make my big entrance after all...
Slayer1234: Really tired.
Slayer1234: Don't be that way, k?
JustOkay: Which way?
Slayer1234: Just hold me.
Slayer1234: I want you to show up and hold me.
Slayer1234: So tired.
JustOkay: There's nothing that I want more, Buffy
JustOkay: Wrap you in my arms and keep you safe and let you rest.
JustOkay: Agreeing with you there. Tried to sneak on an earlier flight -
didn't work out. Sorry.
Slayer1234: K. Wake me up, k? I'm at the gate.
Slayer1234: So tired.
JustOkay: You're... at the gate? At LAX?
Slayer1234: Mmmmm... hmm.
JustOkay: You got Reds laptop and an uplink?
Slayer1234: Please, I've been awake so long.
Slayer1234: Let me go, ok, I'll wait.
Slayer1234: Got a caddy.
JustOkay: Okay. Get some sleep, Buffy. See you soon.
Slayer1234 has logged out.
A black clad arm reached over the back of the yellow plastic bench, toward
the computer. Buffy woke with a jerk, grabbing at the bony wrist of the
"Don't even." The words died on her lips.
Spike smirked at her and snapped the laptop shut.
"Slayer one two three four has logged off, love."