All About Spike - Believe by Rocky

Believe
By Rocky

Part 8

It was so dark. Stupid torch had burned out the second I got to Spike. His hand found mine. He whimpered as I tried to pull him up, so I knelt.

Muddled words came quietly, and I was certain he had said, “Just go.” I wrapped my arms under him gently, and lifted him to his feet.

And now, he was draped over me again—just like the night I had saved him. The night I had saved him. Like I’m some big hero. Yeah, that’s reason to think he’d forgive me. After what I made him think? What I made him do? My thoughts were so loud I glanced over at him, positive he could hear them. How could he not?

But his bruised face was lowered, watching our invisible feet kick up dust as we wandered down another dark hallway.

God, we need to get out of here. Those claws had shredded his shirt, which still clung about his neck. But it wasn’t his neck or shirt I was worried about. It was all the blood seeping through the shredded shirt. I felt cold air against my forehead. An opening?

“Spike, here…” I stopped him against a wall, then let him go.

He slid back against it.

“Don’t sit. It’s too hard to stand you up again.”

He grunted to hold his footing as I walked away.

I followed the breeze. Again, Spike was hurt… unable to stand because he was with me. I don’t get it. We weren’t talking this time. We were both focused. Or was he? I lifted my hand above my head, trying to feel more air. Nothing—it had come and gone. I walked back to Spike. Maybe he tried to go to me, after the demon spit that fire. I should ask… no, wait. I shouldn’t. I don’t want to know, anyway. If he was, and he tells me he was, I’ll yell at him… and we’re stuck in this cave. Okay. Not now.

His arm found its way around me again, and we started down another dark path.

My feet were throbbing when he finally muttered something.

“Slayer?”

I jumped a little. It was creepy hearing him whisper that in the dark, when I couldn’t see his gentle eyes to soften the word, or that smirk across his face to lighten it. The way it sounded in the dark made my skin tingle.

“What is it?”

His arm dropped heavy onto my shoulder, and he pulled us to a stop.

“I have to tell you something.”

I nodded. Stupid. He can’t see a nod; it’s pitch-black. I went to answer aloud, but he began talking again… as if he had seen my nod.

“Won’t get mad? Won’t run off and leave me?”

“Spike, you can’t even stand.” I faced his direction, “What is it?”

He leaned in closer, his face inches from mine—the chill of his skin cooling mine. Does he know he’s this close? Too close. Again. I shivered. He knows.

“Could’ve walked on my own for the past hour.”

My mouth dropped open. His head fell against my shoulder, and he let out a soft laugh. I started to back away.

His arm slid down mine, hand tugging at my wrist, “Don’t get mad, love… You said you wouldn’t run off.”

I slipped out of his grasp, able to feel his hands waving at the empty air. “I never said that.”

I heard him slump to the ground before he spoke—almost singing, “Slayer? Oh, Slayer? Where have you gone?” His feet were dragging—still on his knees. “Over here? I think you are…”

I gave him an amused smile, that turned into a quiet giggle as I sensed him come to a stop right in front of me. He stayed there, inches away from me. Close enough to touch, but still not touching. I strained to see him there, and made out his hair. He was looking up—straining to see me.

I felt a chill up my body as he stood. I grabbed his hand, pulling his arm over my shoulders again.

“Let’s get out of here, Spike.”

“Oh, crap!” I squirmed out of Spike’s hold and sprinted for the mouth of the cave. Sunlight beamed through the trees and into the first few feet of the cave.

“Yeah. It’s been up for ’bout ten minutes now. Been thinking ’bout what I’m gonna do stuck in this cave all day.”

“And?” I walked back in his direction.

He smiled, tilting his head slightly, “Think of you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll call Giles from the school. He’ll get you back to the house.” Where you can still think of me, if you want.

He nodded, “Thanks. Better be off soon, Slayer. Gonna be late for work.”

I rubbed my eyes, “What time is it?” God, I want a shower.

“I’d say a little after six.”

Good-bye, shower. I looked down at my ripped, bloody, and burnt clothes.

“Should run to the Harris’ first… get yourself cleaned up.”

I looked up at him. Right, Xander! Shower there and change when we get Dawn for school. Oh, mother of all good ideas, thank you Spike. I smiled at him, and he stretched against the wall before slipping to the floor. My smile left. I forgot how hurt he was. I took a couple steps forward.

He glanced up, “What’re you waiting for? Run along, Slayer.”

But I kept walking towards him, until I was standing at his tired legs. Spike, Spike. Old Spike wouldn’t have let that scratch happen—would’ve moved out of the way. Something is bothering you. You really are slipping… and it’s my fault. I knelt next to him. How can I help you?

He sat straight against the wall, rising a knee to stop me, “Don’t.” His eyes followed my hand in fear as I lifted it to his chest. “Buffy… don’t.”

Why? God, Spike, just let me help you… or thank you. Let me do something. I watched more blood seep out of the wounds as my hand hovered over them. He was breathing hard, pushing the blood out by working his lungs. His eyes shut tight, but his mouth sucked air in and out. His bloodied bottom lip started to tremble a bit.

Why? What is so scary about this, Spike? You have to stop it. Being afraid like this. Don’t you want to help? Do you think this helps?

But I didn’t say anything, holding my thoughts as he held the air now. He stopped breathing, biting his bottom lip.

Fine. I don’t need you to look at me when I say it. I pulled my hand away and stood, shoving it in my pocket. “See you tonight.”

He hissed out the air.

What? I started to walk away. No, I was supposed to tell him thanks. Where did those words come from? I made it to the sunlight, expecting him to call out to me. He didn’t. I wouldn’t have heard him over my noisy thoughts anyway.

“It’s dead.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s dead.”

“Buffy,” Giles’ voice was concerned, “I’ve done some reading on that demon... in one of the books I read about Glory. Very common in her dimension. Apparently the creature was spawned when Glory…”

“When the portal opened. I get it. Was it our guy?”

“It’s doubtful, if it came from Glory’s dimension, that it was what we were looking for. Of course, I would like to see it up close to make sure… And dead. You are quite certain you killed it?”

“Giles, it’s dead.” I assured him. “But if you’re planning on going back into the caves to look at it, bring weapons and flashlights. Something else could be in there.”

“Not likely. If this demon is, indeed, as big as you say… probably scared anything else out.”

“It is that big.” I gave a restless sigh, wishing I could leave and meet Giles at the cave. Spike would be there. Oh, wait. “Giles, Spike’s hurt. If you want him to take you back through the cave, bring him some blood.”

“Spike’s hurt?”

“Kinda,” I replied, more important ideas popping into my head, “And you should take the girls with you too. And Willow. It’d be a good—”

“They’re not all here, Buffy.” Giles interrupted, “Kennedy asked Willow something about her craft, and the both left. Snuck out, now that I think about it.” Giles sounded irritated.

Another sigh. “Well, take Vi, and Rona, and whoever else is there. I’m sick of this take-them-under-my-motherly-wing stuff. It’ll do them good to see the type of creatures a Slayer is up against.”

“Well… a Slayer and her brooding vampire.”

“Giles!”

“Well, I’m sorry to be the one who has to say it, Buffy… Spike’s delusional and bursting with self-loathing and pity. I can nearly smell it.”

I had no answer. Probably because Giles is right. Spike is still all broody. After I told him to stop, too. How dare he ignore me like that!

“I’ll take your silence as an agreement.” Giles got his smarter-than-you voice on, “Something should be done about it… the brooding, I mean.”

“I’ve tried, Giles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it. It doesn’t get through to him. What should I tell him?”

Giles chuckled, “Tell him he’s the spitting image of Angel… should disgust him enough.”

Angel. He’s all anyone ever talks about these days. Oh look, another vamp with a soul, just like Angel. Back to start. Am I the only one who sees a difference? Even Spike doesn’t know it. It’s not the same…

My thoughts wandered as I walked down the halls of Sunnydale High. Back to start. Back to high school. Souled vamp, fifteen year-old Slayer-girls, and the end of the world. This is square one. Why?

I stared at my reflection in the mirror—remembering the girl who once walked these halls. The girl who lived then. Starry-eyed teen and her star-crossed lover. Regular friends who didn’t have dates… let alone a fiancé to leave at the alter, or a soulmate to lose to a hate-filled bullet. We are all back at square one. Alone. Taken all the way around the board, complete circle, only to wind up back where we began. Just us… with the Hellmouth under our feet.

I splashed warm water up my arms, soothing the bruises and aching muscles.

What am I missing? What’s been added? Another battle coming, and how will it end this time? Who will be lost this time?

My thoughts were racing—connecting—stringing together like shoelaces.

I was back in my chair now, scribbling with my thoughts. Mom. The dream. What had she said? Everyone fails. Why? Why tell me that? Will I fail? Fighting-The-First kind of failing, or am I going to fail someone? Dawn? Giles? Spike? The Slayers-to-be? It didn’t make sense. She could have said more… she should have said more.

I rested my head to the cool desktop.

Continued in Part 9